A Quick Moment of Clarity, Quickly Gone.

This whole blog is so melodramatic. But sometimes, I need a place to vent. I need a place where I can be melodramatic. I'm not this way all the time. Just when I need to let out the negative things that fill me up. My self pity, my self loathing, my jealousy, my grief. It's somewhere to let out my self centered, narcissistic, and selfish side. It's a place to show the worst side of me, where I know pretty much no one will read it.

I write letters to "you." I vent at "you." I reminisce about "you." I go crazy over, romanticize, and say awful things to "you." "You" has been about a million different guys since I started this blog. Doesn't matter. Better here than on facebook, right? Or worse, directly to whoever "you" happens to be.

So, here it all is. The worst sides of me. I'm jealous. I have self esteem issues. I'm boy crazy. I'm so damn narcissistic that I have a blog where all I do is feel sorry for myself all over the place. I'm not proud of it. But I need to let it out somewhere, and I don't think more than one or two people ever see this (although sometimes I wish whoever "you" is would see it, because I'm too much of a pussy to tell people things).

And maybe that's the problem. I'm not proud of the way I feel sometimes, and I don't have the balls to vent to those I vent about. Maybe I should just accept the flawed, negative, selfish parts of me and present them to whoever "you" is. Maybe letting them out somewhere healthy would help me work on erasing these character flaws of mine.

Or maybe I'll just post another entry complaining about how many guys I've fucked, how jealous I am, how I hate myself, or how I sometimes still think about Bitchfuck.

Yeah, that's probably what I'll do.